I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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