Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
