I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
