I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
