oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
