Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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