im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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