Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
