Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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