I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
