My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
