i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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