Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
