I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
