I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
should my penis look like a turkey
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
