should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
