She is in my trunk
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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