All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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