In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
