im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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