Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
