I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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