Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
