How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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