I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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