why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
