my shit smells like andre
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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