your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
