The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
