Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
