i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
