why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
