just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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