I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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