Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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