So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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