So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
