4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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