No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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