bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I skipped work to stalk him.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
