i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
