Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
