I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
