I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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