I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
