I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
