Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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