you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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