Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
