I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
