JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
