I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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