dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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