You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
