Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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